False Promises in Relationships: How Not to Fall into the Trap and Protect Yourself

New relationships can often feel exciting: beautiful words, promises of a shared future, trips, a home, family… Every word feels like a declaration of love, and you believe you’re with the right person. But sometimes these words remain just words, and the future that was promised never comes. These are false promises — a manipulative tactic that destroys trust, self-esteem, and keeps you in a toxic relationship.

New relationships can often feel exciting: beautiful words, promises of a shared future, trips, a home, family… Every word feels like a declaration of love, and you believe you’re with the right person. But sometimes these words remain just words, and the future that was promised never comes. These are false promises — a manipulative tactic that destroys trust, self-esteem, and keeps you in a toxic relationship.

What Are False Promises

False promises occur when a man makes grand plans, talks about marriage, children, or trips together, but doesn’t take any steps to make them happen.

Signs:

• He promises to move, but keeps postponing;
• Plans trips, chooses hotels — and everything falls through at the last minute;
• Talks about marriage, imagines the names of future children, but avoids the topic when details are discussed.

At first, this seems sweet and romantic, but gradually your emotions go into a void, and you end up in a cycle: there is hope, but no action.

Why It Works

The manipulator taps into your desire for stability and love. He keeps hope alive, and you stay close, even if no concrete steps are taken.

Main goals of false promises:

• Keep you close without effort;
• Avoid responsibility by shifting conversations to the future;
• Shift the blame onto you, lowering your self-esteem;
• Create codependency, where you live in anticipation rather than in the present.

Warning Signs

• Lots of words, few actions: talks about living together or traveling, but no real steps.
• Constant excuses: work, stress, finances — the reasons repeat over and over.
• Shifting focus: instead of concrete solutions, conversations are redirected to the future.
• Repeated promises: the same thing again and again, with no results.
• Blaming you: any question makes you feel “inadequate.”

How It Affects You

False promises gradually damage your mental well-being:

• Constant waiting that never materializes turns into chronic stress;
• Anxiety arises, along with feelings of worthlessness and lowered self-esteem;
• Isolation from friends, feelings of loneliness and hopelessness.

How to Protect Yourself and Recover

1. Recognize that it’s not your fault. You are a victim of manipulation; the responsibility for empty promises lies with him.
2. Set boundaries. Distinguish words from actions; don’t let empty promises affect your mood.
3. Seek support. Friends and family can reassure you that your feelings are normal.
4. Take care of yourself. Journaling, exercise, creativity, walks — help you regain control.
5. Focus on actions, not words. Real care is shown through deeds.
6. Give yourself time. Emotions take time to process — that’s normal.
7. Work on your self-esteem. Remind yourself of your achievements and your worth.
8. Learn to trust gradually. New relationships should be tested through real actions.
9. Create your “bright present.” Plan what brings you joy here and now.
10. Track your emotional triggers. Understanding your reactions helps you respond consciously and protects you from repeated manipulation.