Choice Paralysis in Relationships: Why We're Afraid to Choose and How to Stop Missing Out on Happiness

In a world where opportunities are more abundant than ever, choice can feel both a blessing and a curse. This is especially true in romantic relationships.

In a world where opportunities are more abundant than ever, choice can feel both a blessing and a curse. This is especially true in romantic relationships. Have you ever felt like the perfect partner is out there somewhere, beyond the horizon, and you just can’t settle on one person? Welcome to the era of “choice paralysis.”

What Is “Choice Paralysis”?

Psychologists use this term to describe a state where too many options create stress and inaction. In relationships, it means being unable to fully commit to a partner because an inner voice constantly whispers, “What if there’s someone better out there?”

Honestly, it’s like an endless “What if?” test: “What if he’s not perfect?” “What if I could find someone more interesting?” While you’re busy thinking, life passes by and happiness gets postponed.

Why It Happens

American psychologist Barry Schwartz, in his book The Paradox of Choice, explained that when freedom of choice becomes excessive, it leads to stress. Decades ago, potential partners were mostly limited to friends and neighbors. Today, millions of profiles online and on social media create the illusion that the perfect person exists somewhere out there.

Adding to this is FOMO — the fear of missing out on something better. Even in good relationships, people with choice paralysis keep an emotional distance, compare their partner to the “ideal,” and constantly worry they might miss a more suitable opportunity.

Fear of commitment also plays a role. Choosing a serious partner means giving up other life scenarios. For some, this is almost an existential dread. Fear of rejection and perfectionism make it worse: you want to find the perfect person but are afraid of making the wrong choice.

How Choice Paralysis Manifests

Single people often:

• spend hours on dating sites but rarely meet in person;
• talk to multiple people at once without focusing on anyone in particular;
• evaluate people as objects that either meet or don’t meet certain criteria.

Those already in relationships but suffering from choice paralysis:

• are emotionally reserved and don’t fully open up;
• constantly compare their partner to exes, colleagues, or people on social media;
• postpone important conversations about the future, marriage, or children;
• use phrases like, “Someone else wouldn’t have done that,” not realizing that perfect people don’t exist.

How to Overcome Choice Paralysis

If you recognize yourself in these signs, it’s time to shift your focus from searching for the “ideal” to building a real, high-quality relationship.

1. Stop Being a “Maximizer,” Become a “Satisficer”
Maximizers chase perfection; satisficers settle for “good enough.” Identify 3–5 key qualities that matter most in a partner and focus on those.

2. Limit Your Choices
Digital hygiene is essential. Dating sites and apps can consume hours and create FOMO. Limit your time to 30 minutes a day or take a break.

3. Work on Your Deep Fears
Why is it hard to trust and settle on one person? Are you afraid of repeating your parents’ mistakes, being betrayed, or taking on commitments? Self-reflection helps, and if it doesn’t, a psychologist can provide valuable support.

4. Accept the Risk
Every relationship carries the risk of disappointment. Accepting this allows you to take action instead of standing still, waiting for the perfect moment or person.