If your dates feel boring - maybe you're actually doing everything right?

You’re sitting across from yet another “interesting” man, your coffee is cooling in the cup, you’re telling the story about your trip to Barcelona for the third time, and the only question running through your mind is: “Why am I bored again?”

You’re sitting across from yet another “interesting” man, your coffee is cooling in the cup, you’re telling the story about your trip to Barcelona for the third time, and the only question running through your mind is: “Why am I bored again?”

Sound familiar? Let’s figure out what’s wrong. Or maybe everything is actually fine — you’ve just outgrown the fairy tales about “love at first sight and fireworks by the third minute of conversation.”

Boring dates aren’t a sentence. They’re an invitation to play

A game where you’re the main screenwriter. Tired of the same restaurants, the same conversations, the same tiramisu? Break out of the routine. Suggest an exhibition, a lecture, a pottery workshop. Even a boring guy can become interesting — if not through humor, then at least thanks to the cultural setting.

Interest on a date doesn’t always depend on the other person. Sometimes the context makes all the difference. And even if you part ways afterward, you’ll still have a pleasant experience — and maybe a new favorite museum.

Check your expectations. This isn’t a Netflix show

When you go on a date, don’t expect the man to entertain you like a stand-up comedian. He might be nervous too. Maybe he’s the type who doesn’t shine on the first date — but surprises you with sincerity and deep perspectives on life on the second.

Not every potential partner has to be a fireworks show. Sometimes boredom masks calmness. And you know what’s rare and valuable in relationships after 30? Stability.

You’re part of the “date” team too

If the date feels like a lame school event, ask yourself: “Am I doing anything to make it fun?”

You can be not only a listener but also the host of the meeting. Share an unexpected fact. Ask a non-trivial question. Play “one weird question” — and watch the conversation come alive.

No, you don’t have to perform a one-woman show. But if you want a spark — be the fire.

Boredom or security?

American psychotherapist Esther Perel says: “We call it boredom, but it’s really comfort.”

Are you used to emotional rollercoasters? Relationships where it’s either over-the-top flirting or complete silence? Then a calm, ordinary guy might seem bland. But the question is: are you just not used to what emotional security looks like?

Sometimes “it doesn’t thrill you” isn’t a minus but a plus. It means the person in front of you is someone you don’t have to wear a mask around. No drama, no storm. Just… you. In silence. Without anxiety.

Think friendship, not romance

Yes, you’re looking for love. But start with friendship. It’s the foundation on which true closeness is built. A guy who stays not because you’re wearing a new dress, but because he simply feels good with you — that’s someone you can go through a lot with.

When you go on a date, don’t ask if he’ll be your future husband, but: “Could I be friends with this person?”

We forgive friends more. And often, the best romances grow out of friendship. Without fireworks — but with a warmth that doesn’t burn out overnight.