I'm afraid of commitment: how to understand it - and what to do about it

You want a relationship, warmth, partnership. But as soon as someone gets too close, everything inside you tightens up. If this feels familiar, it’s probably not that “it’s just not right.” It’s fear.

You want a relationship, warmth, partnership. But as soon as someone gets too close, everything inside you tightens up. If this feels familiar, it’s probably not that “it’s just not right.” It’s fear.

And before you tell yourself again, “I just love my freedom,” let’s figure this out — maybe you’re not freedom-loving, but scared?

You don’t talk about the future

When he talks about taking a vacation together, you change the subject. When the word “we” comes up, you want to leave the chat — and the relationship.
Why? Because plans = vulnerability. And vulnerability scares more than loneliness.

You get upset by “too much attention”

He just wants to be near you, but you already feel like you can’t breathe. You start canceling meetings, pulling away, getting upset for no reason.
It’s not a whim. It’s a survival instinct disguised as independence.

You look for flaws

He’s too cheerful. Or too boring. Loves his mom too much. Doesn’t like dogs enough.
If you focus on his flaws, maybe you’re not afraid he’s not good enough. You’re afraid he’ll become important.

You’re “not ready”

You’re sure you need to build your career, figure yourself out, reach enlightenment — and only then have a relationship.
But one year, two, five pass… and nothing changes. It’s not the circumstances. It’s the fear that has settled inside you.