Four Key Requirements for Lifelong Relationships

Why do some couples stay together for life, while others separate after a few years?

Scientists have different opinions on this topic. Moreover, being able to separate and find happiness in a new relationship isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Two happy families are better than one unhappy one. However, for many, the ideal remains a lifelong relationship. So, what is essential for building such a lasting bond?

Selfless Care

According to Psychology Today, one of the most critical requirements for long-term relationships is selfless care for your partner’s well-being.

At first glance, this might seem obvious—partners are supposed to care for each other by default. However, this isn’t always the case.

For example, even on my blog, many men argue that a wife should not earn more or even as much as her husband, implying that the marriage would collapse if she did. They often say, "Two bears can’t live in the same den." Personally, I wouldn't want to share a den with even one bear! A human approach is needed—not a bear-like one. This way, both partners can enjoy new opportunities together.

Playing loud video games late at night or coming home drunk—these are not examples of caring about your partner’s interests.

Some argue that the person who owns the house makes the rules: if it’s the husband’s house, the wife must endure the noise. But in a healthy relationship, things work differently. Couples who want to be together for life take care of each other’s well-being—whether it’s sleep, peace, health, or finances. And it’s mutual, regardless of who brings home more money. Being the breadwinner doesn’t entitle one to behave selfishly.

In my experience, many marriages fall apart precisely because one partner feels neglected. When a woman feels she’s carrying too much alone or constantly catering to a partner who acts entitled, it takes a toll on the relationship.

Both Partners See the Relationship as Exclusive

Sayings like "There are plenty of fish in the sea," or "If not you, someone else" reflect attitudes that make long-term relationships impossible.

Assuming from the start that a partner is replaceable or engaging in infidelity disrupts the sense of exclusivity. Although some people might separate sex from love emotionally, these cases are rare exceptions. For most, infidelity leads to emotional turmoil and heartbreak.

To preserve lifelong love, couples need to maintain that sense of exclusivity. Otherwise, they may find themselves torn between conflicting emotions, struggling to stay committed.

Trust and Emotional Closeness

Maintaining emotional closeness and mutual interest in each other’s lives is crucial. Ideally, your partner should be the first person with whom you share your joys, challenges, successes, and failures.

Problems arise when one partner shows no interest in the other’s experiences. American therapist John Gottman developed a method to predict divorce with 94% accuracy by observing how couples interact.

For instance, if a wife points out an interesting bird flying by and the husband engages in the conversation, it’s a positive sign. However, if he ignores her, it indicates a disconnection that may lead to divorce. Gottman’s predictions were remarkably accurate.

Unfortunately, in our modern world, it’s common to dismiss emotional connection. Some see women’s chatter as a burden to endure, while others advocate for ignoring a partner’s opinions. However, successful couples listen to each other and show genuine interest in one another’s lives.

Acceptance of Each Other as They Are

Many struggle with accepting their partner’s true self. This challenge isn’t limited to women, even though they are often portrayed as the ones wanting to change their partners.

Men also try to mold their partners—whether by asking a curvier partner to slim down, a slim one to gain weight, or a party girl to become a homebody. On the other hand, some women expect their partners to transform into high achievers, such as generals or CEOs.

However, if the relationship doesn’t work with the person your partner is today, it’s unlikely to succeed after an imagined "transformation." It’s essential to accept your partner’s current self rather than expecting significant changes.

Lifelong relationships are built on mutual care, trust, exclusivity, and acceptance. Partners who embrace these principles can enjoy not just longevity, but also deep, meaningful connections that stand the test of time.