6 Reasons Why You're Destroying Your Own Relationships (And How to Fix It)

Have you ever caught yourself thinking that you're the one creating problems in your relationship, even when everything seems fine? Constant arguments, suspicions, and endless analysis of every word your partner says – all of this might not just be a coincidence. Perhaps the problem lies with you. Let’s break down why you’re sabotaging your own happiness and what you can do about it.

You See the Relationship as a Source of Problems

If your childhood or surroundings were filled with examples of unhappy couples, it’s no surprise that you subconsciously expect arguments. You might not even realize that you live with the belief that "love = suffering."

What to Do?

Recognize that your beliefs are not the truth. There are healthy, happy relationships out there, and you deserve one. Have an open conversation with your partner about your fears – a man who loves you will try to create a comfortable environment for your “healing.”

You’re Afraid of Being Abandoned

Sometimes, we unconsciously create conflicts to preemptively handle a possible breakup. You might think, “It’s better if I leave first than wait for him to get disappointed in me.”

What to Do?

Recall when this fear first appeared. Perhaps it’s not about your partner, but concerns about work, your appearance, or other anxieties. Focus on the facts: if a man cares about you, makes plans, and shows attention, he’s not planning on leaving.

You Haven’t Dealt with Childhood Trauma

You might think you had a normal childhood, but if your parents didn’t meet your emotional needs, it could have left a mark. You may provoke conflicts to get more attention, since an argument is also a way to be noticed.

What to Do?

Acknowledge that your past affects you more than you think. If you notice unexplained fears, issues with food or money, it might be time to see a psychologist and explore the underlying causes.

You’re Trying to Control Everything Around You

The desire to be the main person in the relationship sometimes causes you to artificially create tension. You’re afraid of losing control, so you strike first.

What to Do?

Learn to let go of the situation. Not everything in life can (or should) be controlled. Allow your partner to take the initiative and be open to compromise. This is not weakness, but a healthy balance.

You Don’t Believe You Deserve Love

Maybe the problem is that you don’t feel good enough for a happy relationship. In that case, you unconsciously create situations where your partner has to prove his love again and again.

What to Do?

Accept the fact that you deserve love just as you are – not for your achievements, appearance, or care for others. Work on your self-esteem: stop devaluing yourself, resolve past hurts, and replace negative beliefs with healthier ones.

You’re Afraid of Commitment

Sometimes the cause of conflicts is simple: you’re not ready for a serious relationship, but you can’t admit it. Instead of having an honest conversation, you provoke your partner into breaking up.

What to Do?

Be honest with yourself: What do you really want? If you’re not comfortable in the relationship right now, say so directly. Perhaps you can build a new kind of relationship that works for both of you.