Why We Keep Checking Our Exes on Social Media - and What to Do About It, According to a Psychotherapist

You’re sure you were just scrolling. Just a coffee. Just a normal morning. And suddenly, you find yourself on the profile of someone you thought you had long “let go.” Everything seems in the past, yet… your hand scrolls a little further. Sound familiar?

You’re sure you were just scrolling. Just a coffee. Just a normal morning. And suddenly, you find yourself on the profile of someone you thought you had long “let go.” Everything seems in the past, yet… your hand scrolls a little further. Sound familiar?

You’re not alone. And you’re not strange.
This is the digital reality of love, pain, and attachment. A psychotherapist talks about it, but we live it — women who love, feel, and sometimes… observe.

He’s gone — but he’s still on the screen

Once, goodbyes were real. Today, they’re illusory. He’s out of your life, but still in your stories. You no longer talk to him, but every day you know where he was, what he ate, and who he laughed with. It’s not just a habit — it’s a pseudo-presence. As if you were still there, even though you’re not.

And the most important thing: don’t blame yourself.
You’re human. You were with him. He was part of your life. Interest in an ex isn’t weakness — it’s a memory of a connection that once mattered.

Curiosity or dependence? Where’s the line

At first, you’re just curious — what’s he up to now? Another time, you scroll through his new girlfriend’s profile and compare yourself. Then you accidentally discover he now gives flowers, even though he told you, “That’s cliché.” And suddenly, you’re no longer just a spectator. You’re part of a play that has ended — but continues inside you.

Signs of digital dependence on the past:

You check his profile first thing in the morning;
You create a fake account so you won’t get caught;
You analyze every new photo;
You compare yourself to his new partner;
Your mood suffers because of his vacations or stories.
If you recognize yourself, you’re already a step closer to a solution.

What to do? Gently, with femininity — but firmly

Pause. Before you open his profile, count to 20. Often the impulse passes.
Redirect your energy. Every time your hand reaches for Instagram, focus on your body, your face, a book, or exercise.
Ask yourself: “Why am I doing this?” — and answer honestly.
Blocking isn’t weakness. Sometimes it’s the only way not to keep testing yourself.
Give yourself six months. If after six months you’re still checking, it’s no longer about him — it’s about something inside you that needs attention.

And finally — a bit of philosophy

We live in a world where the past is always just a click away.
The question isn’t whether you check him.
The question is: how do you feel while doing it?

Perhaps true adult freedom isn’t never visiting your ex’s profile.
It’s being able to go in… and leave without feeling anything.
Just scroll.
Like checking the weather in a city where you once lived — but no longer live.